Hazzard: The Musical
by MobBob
Summary: The Bellas get roped into performing in a student film. Beca has to kiss a girl and Chloe's not happy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Linda Hazzard was a real person.**

After practice, Aubrey asked the Bellas to stay after so they could listen to someone from the film department. She had brown hair and wore a t-shirt that had the Sundance Logo on it. "Hi, I'm Megan, Megan Burfield, and I need some singers for my film."

"What's it about?" said Chloe.

"I called _Hazzard: The Musical_," said Megan. "It's about Linda Hazzard."

"Who's she?" said Stacie.

"She was a doctor in the early Twentieth Century," said Megan. "She proposed some revolutionary ideas, but was looked down on because she was a woman."

Amy pulled out her phone and went to Wikipedia. "It says here she advocated starvation, believed that people would live forever if they stopped eating, and may have killed forty people."

"Medical science was in its infancy at the time," said Megan.

"It also says she shot one of her patients," said Amy.

"That was never proven," said Megan. "Do want to be part of the film?"

"Sure," said Amy. "I can play one of the starving patients."

"Well...alright," said Megan. "Does anyone want to play the lead, Dr. Hazzard?"

"I can do it," said Chloe.

"Good," said Megan. "We need two more parts, Claire Williamson and Earl Erdman."

"How are they?" said Stacie.

"They were patients of Dr. Hazzard," said Megan.

"It says here-" said Amy.

"Anyways do you want to play Claire Williamson?" said Megan.

"Sure," said Stacie.

"Okay," said Megan. "What about you?"

"Me?" said Beca.

"Yeah," said Megan. "Do you want to play Erdman?"

"Isn't he a dude," said Beca.

"He was," said Megan. "But we're casting gender-blind. You're fine with wearing a mustache?"

"I guess," said Beca.

"Good." Megan began handing out scripts. "So meet me in the auditorium tomorrow. Make sure to know your lines."

"We have only one day to learn our lines?" said Chloe.

"Don't worry," said Megan. "It's super easy."

Beca thumbed through her script. "Wait, it says I'm supposed to have a romance with Stacie."

"Yeah," said Megan. "You also have to kiss her."

"What?" said Beca.

"You have to kiss her," said Megan. "In our film, Claire Williamson and Earl Erdman are going to have an affair."

Chloe turned to Amy. "Is that what happened in real life."

"I'm not your personal Wikipedia," said Amy. "Look it up yourself bitch."

Chloe stood up. "Hey, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, it sounds kinda disrespectful to insert a bullshit romance into a recreation of an actual tragedy."

"Well, it's possible they had a romance," said Megan. "Technically none of us were there and anything could've happened."

"Really?" said Chloe. "Next you're gonna make a film that says Churchill and Stalin were secretly gay lovers."

"Oh that sounds interesting," said Megan. "Do you want to get together and hash it out?"

"I was being sarcastic," said Chloe.

"It's still a good idea," said Megan. "Like maybe that could get me into Sundance."


	2. Chapter 2

"So how about this?" said Amy. "Oh my god, I'm starving! You can see my ribs!"

"Well," said Megan. "It sounded good."

"Okay," said Amy. "Start filming."

"Amy can you get off the stage?" said Megan.

"Isn't it my line?" said Amy.

"Yeah, but I think it would be better if you said it off-screen," said Megan. "The line is more...convincing if the audience can't see you."

"Fine," said Amy.

"Are Beca and Stacie ready?" said Megan.

"I'm good," said Stacie.

"I'm not," said Beca. "I'm still having trouble with my mustache."

"Chloe, can you help Beca with her mustache?" said Megan.

"Sure." Chloe walked over to Beca and began fiddling with her mustache.

"Thanks," said Beca. "I'm good now."

"No," said Chloe. "It's still a bit lopsided."

"No one's gonna notice," said Beca.

"I think they will," said Chloe.

"Chloe, it's fine," said Megan. "Let's start shooting."

"Alright." Chloe walked off stage towards Amy.

"Okay," said Megan. "Let's start with Amy's line."

"Oh my god, I'm starving! You can see my ribs!" said Amy.

"You're fine," said Chloe. "You just need to continue with your treatment."

"Okay Chloe," said Megan. "What's with the English accent?"

"Well she was born in the eighteen hundreds, so I figured she sounded like that," said Chloe.

"She didn't sound like that," said Megan. "She was from Minnesota."

"I can do Minnesota," said Chloe. "Oh, you just need to continue your treatment, don't you know?"

"That better, I guess," said Megan. "Anyways, Stacie it's your line."

Stacie cleared her throat. "Oh Earl, I don't know how long before my treatment starts to work. I wonder if I'm going to-"

"Don't say it," said Beca. "Just the thought of it is enough to fill me heart with-"

"Oh, it's time for lunch, don't you know?" said Chloe.

"What are you doing?" said Megan. "You're not supposed to show up until the next number."

"I'm improvising," said Chloe. "I thought that this is something Hazzard would do."

"I don't think so," said Megan.

"Yeah," said Amy. "She advocated for a no food diet."

"Start from Stacie's line," said Morgan.

Stacie cleared her throat again. "Oh Earl, I don't know how long before my treatment starts to work. I wonder if I'm going to-"

"Don't say it. Just the thought of it is enough to fill me heart with the worst kind of-" Suddenly Chloe started hitting her shoes against the floor.

"Cut," said Megan. "What are you doing Chloe?"

"I'm tap-dancing," said Chloe.

"Tap-dancing?" said Megan. "With sneakers?"

"Yeah," said Chloe. "I know you didn't like my other ideas, but what about this: This whole story could be told through interpretive dance."

"That sounds terrible," said Megan.

"Here, let me talk to Chloe for a bit," said Beca.

Beca took Chloe aside. "Don't you agree that my idea was good?"

"It was interesting," said Beca. "But let's be real here. You don't want me to kiss Stacie."

"That's not true," said Chloe. "I just think it's a bit unnecessary."

"Look Chloe," said Beca. "I'm just acting. It means nothing to me."

"You mean that," said Chloe.

"Yes," said Beca. "It's just gonna be one kiss and that's it."

"I'm sorry," said Chloe. "I was being stupid."

"Don't mention it," said Beca. "You're cute when you get like that."

Beca got back on-stage and finished the scene. Stacie cleared her throat a third time. "Oh Earl, I don't know how long before my treatment starts to work. I wonder if I'm going to-"

"Don't say it," said Beca. "Just the thought of it is enough to fill me heart with the worst kind of sadness."

"I must say it," said Stacie. "If I don't make it, can I have a kiss."

"Yes," said Beca.

The two kissed. "That was good," said Megan.

"Thank god," said Chloe. "I thought we would never finish shooting that scene."

"Yeah that was good," said Megan. "But can we get a few more takes of you two kissing?"


	3. Chapter 3

Beca kissed Stacie. "That wasn't as good as the last time," said Megan.

"Okay, more passion" said Beca. She kissed Stacie again.

"You know," said Megan. "Maybe you could have a little less energy. I mean, these people have been starved for weeks."

"Makes sense," said Beca. She made her next kiss more awkward.

"You know maybe that was a bad idea," said Megan. "Still act like you're starved, but add a bit more passion."

"How about this?" said Beca.

"Better," said Megan. "It just doesn't seem spontaneous."

"So you want me to be passionate, spontaneous, and energy deprived?" said Beca.

"Exactly," said Megan.

Beca kissed Stacie one more time. This time she made sure to wrap her arms around Stacie, but in an energy deprived way. "How was that?" she said.

"It was good," said Megan.

"Thank god," said Beca.

"Yeah it was good, until you had to speak and ruin the take," said Megan. "Do it again."

"Oh my god," said Beca. It took three more tries to recreate that kiss.

"Alright, that was perfect," said Megan.

"Finally," said Beca.

"Now let's try to get that from a few different angles," said Megan.


End file.
